The main difficulty is identity

The classic difficult question is “where are you from?” In my case an embarrassed pause or “mmhh” follows as I think what to answer. Often, I will just randomly pick one of my three countries, or just say Paris (as I lived my childhood there) to avoid complication. Other times I will go for all three countries quickly explaining “My Mum is Scottish, my Dad is Italian but I grew up in Paris”. But behind this answer lies a real dilemma “where am I really from?”

A third culture kid is between cultures. You will never really be recognised to be part of a country, you will always be seen as or feel different. I was born and lived most of my childhood in France. Despite this, I don’t really feel French. How could I? My parents never cooked French food, their cultural references were different from those of my friends, and my grandparents lived abroad and did not speak French. Every evening after school, I would leave France for my little cultural island where I would watch the BBC and eat pasta. But then if I went to Britain or Italy, the people would notice my different accent and the fact I did not know the latest number one single.

When I went to study in Britain, I thought I was going “home”, having spent many a holiday watching the Scottish TV show the Singing Kettle. However, in the three years I lived there, I never really felt at home. Of course, I had many cultural references and was considered partly British, but I was always seen as and felt different. I could not down ten pints and loved to cook and drink red wine ; I was a continental.

A cultural advantage

But then again, even if I was a different, I was also a part of my three cultures. I can understand British humour and at the same time laugh at Italian jokes. Paris is my city and I can get around without problems and get served in a Bistrot without being treated as a foreigner. Being a third culture kid is a great wealth. Not only because of the languages it gives you, but because of the way it forms your mind. I can see one of my cultures from within and then observe it from outside. I am not surrounded by a way of thought or tradition. The identity problem is real, but if you are able to accept your difference it becomes a great advantage.

Funnily enough the persons you will feel closest to are others like you. While in England, one of my closest friends was half-French, half-Austrian and had lived five years in the US. He could understand how I felt and could look at cultures from outside with the same exterior/interior look. But then I was also pushed towards people from different cultures. Now, having finished my degree, I did not go back to Paris or to Italy, but I am off working in Spain. An Italian-Scottish-French lad has found a bella Spanish chica, who’s showing him a whole new culture! ¡Olé!

But I won’t get carried away writing about this, as this is not a blog about the bonuses of being an expat – it’s about what I miss from home. And with Christmas fast approaching, the void that was once filled with home comforts becomes more profound than ever before. I’ve always been told that it helps to write down your feelings, so I thought I’d do so in the form of a top 5 things I miss from home – and publish it!

So, here’s my list. If you think there’s anything I’ve missed out, go ahead and leave a comment below and add to it!

1. Decent fitting lingerie. I’ve always found it extremely difficult to find a bra that fits well on the continent. Apparently in most European countries, there is a direct correlation between back and breast sizes teamed with a common opinion that women with fuller figures can not wear sexy underwear. I’m sure many women can attest to the fact that this certainly should not be the case!
2. Affordable and tasteful fashion in consistent sizes. Maybe I’m picky, but I’ve spent my years shopping based on British sizing and tailoring. Most male expats I know complain about not being able to find a low cost, stylish suit or double breasted shirts in their new destination. I’ve had moments of horror in shops, when I suddenly find that I’ve jumped up three clothes sizes overnight. I miss knowing that I can walk into a shop, find some clothes I love, try them on and then not have to part with an arm and a leg to walk away with them!
3. A kettle. I want a brew of the tea that I brought over from my last visit home. What’s this? I have to boil the water in a pan? No, thank you.
4. Affordable homeware. Without risking the fact that you are going to have the same living room as all your friends (thanks, Ikea), the general spend on stylish homeware on the continent is extortionate. Furthermore, as a resident in Spain, I was surprised to find that the average shape for a pillow is an extremely long rectangle. This becomes a problem when my pillowcases don’t fit!
5. Children’s books and games in English. Arguably one of the benefits of bringing up children in a foreign country is the richness in culture they are exposed to and the (almost) automatic fluency attained in two languages. However I do agree that it is also important for children to have access to educational books and games in their mother tongue to aid in their development. I was therefore disappointed when I recently struggled to find a decent gift for my nephew’s third birthday.

For the above reasons, it was a pleasant surprise to hear that Littlewoods Europe have recognised the problems that British expats face and are lending a helping hand. They have recently launched in Spain, France, Portugal and Germany and also deliver to the Balearics and BFPO.

They’ve done their research, too. They have identified the products most British expats miss, such as big brands in women and men’s fashion, children’s books and toys and great products for your home abroad. They also provide a service that is essential to the expat lifestyle. They will ship your goods over to you for just €5 or for free if you spend over €50 on your shop before 30th November 2009 – perfect for your Christmas shopping rush. Recognising the fact that when shopping online you run the risk of items not being suitable, they also offer a 14 day home approval guarantee.

On behalf of British expats across Europe, I heave a sigh of relief.

Visit www.littlewoodseurope.com for more information.

Being a mum and an expat is double duty. Not only do you worry about if your children are eating enough green vegetables and brushing their teeth correctly, now you have a myriad of other things to brood on. Are they integrating with the other children, are they falling behind in school because of the language, are they losing their connection with your home culture?

While being an expatriate parent can certainly give rise to many concerns, the best way to handle the situation is as with any parenting issues; be informed, be connected and be open with your children.

Join an expat support group and meet up with the members and their children. It is important for you and your children to have some time in the company of people that have similar life experiences. In addition these groups are great places to uphold traditions from the home country, such as hosting Halloween parties and Easter egg hunts.

The Internet is the perfect tool to help you find answers to your questions, or even connect with other parents in your area for play dates and local activities. Try the many forums and blogs, such as Mums and Meres, my own blog for expat mothers in France.

And as with any good parenting advice, talking with your children, and most importantly listening to them, is essential. Let them express their concerns and empower them by finding solutions together.

While being an expat family may add some stress to your job as a parent, just remember that the expatriate experience is incredibly enlightening for children and is a gift to them for their future in a global world.

By Amy Foxwell – http://mumsandmeres.wordpress.com